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    flopus66  45, Male, USA - 10 entries
11
Apr 2007
1:14 PM EDT
   

wow, today has really switched the mood of the past couple of weeks. It's been a high stress situation ever since the beginning of spring break, to find a place to live. before yesterday, it looked like we were going to have to settle for a place on Heil, with a crazy landlord and worrying about Lady and the busy street just out side. After we lost our back up house, and the crazy land lord didn't have an answer to for us, I scouted around our old neighborhood and luckily found an awesome place that just went up. This Land lord is all business and had us approved and signed within 24 hours. The excitement is extreme and we all can't wait to move in. I'm a little nervous about money but I also just asked for my old job back. My organization is at it's best in ages, and I'm feeling more and more confident about what i need to accomplish and how. My high rantings on April 7th really nailed so much about what i need in life that i feel like it's a manifesto or something. I also just got my motorcycle back and it's running the best it ever has. My surfing is getting back to normal, though my shoulder has become a serious issue that needs to be addressed every day. It's already constantly painful and I worry about it being chronic. I have found that if i focus on it before bed, really work it and stretch it, that it doesn't usually hurt as bad the next day. I also just started printing photos off of the epson at school and recognize that step in completing more of my work.
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    SamanthaAlexandra  37, Female, California, USA - 60 entries
11
Apr 2007
8:40 AM PST
   

Luckily, all of my plans fell through today. While this usually would be quite upsetting, my body begs to differ. I can always feel myself getting sick and it used to be around the same time every year (mid January). But ever since I've been up in Sacramento, I seem to get hit with it once a month. Needless to say, I was happy it was pouring rain--otherwise, I wouldn't have left my room.
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    bl69  33, Female, Texas, USA - 32 entries
11
Apr 2007
11:30 AM CDT
   

Dang. I would straight up hate to lose touch with this friend over this. We made out, and he has a girlfriend and I saw him yesterday for the first time since this all happend and we didnt say anything to each other at all about it. We eat lunch together every day..and walks me to class. But we didn't say anything about it. But my friend said that it didnt seem like he was being himself. I agree. We need to talk about it. I'm sure we will party together sometime this week and we will talk about it because we could actually talk in private...but we could have talked in private whenever he walks me to class. but that isnt much time to really say much. And plus he will have alcohol in his system i bet. That always makes the truth spill. hah. Well, anyways. I need to be a better kid. lol.
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    Ashfone3  32, Female, Colorado, USA - 38 entries
11
Apr 2007
7:55 AM MST
   

Wow ok so this guy asked me out right but i said no because i dont want a bf right now. But he keeps trying to get me to rethink it but ok i told him that no matter who asked me out i would say no at the moment. He still refuses to believe that and the fact that his best friend which is my ex comes up and puts his arm around me and says oh so totally loud um thats a lie. Guys are retarded arnt they! i swear they no nothing. no means no and gosh they just need to get a clue.!!!!And im talking to my ex's bestfriend which he is older than me but totally hot so its all good. And he said he likes me and i like him but i dont think we would ever go out. just cuz yeah it might be a little awkward for one and for two he might be a little too old....but whatever i dont expect anything to happen between us so why worry about it right.

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    blue4u  48, Female, Louisiana, USA - 6 entries
10
Apr 2007
8:23 PM EDT
   

and BOY TOY at nite ...I have never felt so sexual in my life >> I know I'm at my prime now but its so much more than that I have so many fantasies its unreal and some are just down right naughty..... AM I normal are am I changing into someone else that Ive never let out ... Maybe it took him leaving and me exploring to find out who i really am and I have never been more free happier and dont forget SATISFIED.........!!!!!!!
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    blue4u  48, Female, Louisiana, USA - 6 entries
10
Apr 2007
8:16 PM EDT
   

so whats new..... I feel like a stranger to inbox journal... although its been a while since i wrote not alot has changed .... My life is still full of drama ,I wouldnt know of any other way to have it.. well since I caught Ahole with that girl I did theonly thing I could do and that is turn him loose... I feel so much better about myself and I dont have all the worries at nite... All I do is work but I have been taking time for myself at least 20mins at the tanning bed and atrip to the nail saloon at least every 2 weeks.. Ive also lost 10 pounds ..... I ve been tring to get fit before summer gets here .. I got some really good pictures i want to get put up on my profile ..maybe I(ll have them up by next entry .. I have been living the single life for the last year ..... I have been married 4 13yrs and we have had more downs than good!!!!So he has been gone for over a year and I thought at first I wouldnt make it but now shit I'm hell on wheels with a price to pay.... I love doing what I want when I want.... Not only that but I'm a different person... I actually have 2 of me ... I'm the hard working single mom in the day mother an
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    madhousewife  69, Female, Michigan, USA - 48 entries
10
Apr 2007
7:40 AM EDT
   

What a day yesterday was!! Something was wrong with the sewer at work and we couldn't use the toilets or wash dishes. Talk about being grateful when they announced we could use the toilets. Whew!!! I knew I'd never make it home.lol

I think I need to go back on meds. I really hit a dark wall this past weekends. It is confusing. One person says write a "gratitude journal" always being up, and another says to get it all out. Say in a journal what you don't want to say out loud. I have no trouble saying how wonderful this is, and what a great job that was. It is telling someone they are lazy good for nothings, or other negatives that you don't want to hurt feelings during a fit of anger. Once out of your mouth ,you can't always take it back or have do-overs.

Originaly I started doing "journaling" when a counselor advised I write down everything and how I felt from the momment they said' Your Dad is dead". There was very little Gratitude to write about. Getting it out helped a lot. Of course now I tend to ramble, and I admit 90% is probly negative. I say what I can't say out loud, put the feeling out there, read them , and try to find solutions.

I have many things to be grateful for, and thank my higher power every day.

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    anirahs  35, Female, Singapore - 36 entries
11
Apr 2007
7:12 AM AWST
   

well..here i am i guess..well i juz found out abt tis online journal tat cn b excess w/o even logging in n cn send in entries by email thru ur email..well tats quite a convenience thing 2 do..well now i'm juz startin so my entries will b quite inexperience,so 4give me 4 e grammar mistakes aniwae i'm tryin 2 be fast so its ok..well till nxt time..cya
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    luisescobar11  35, Male, Texas, USA - 32 entries
10
Apr 2007
5:26 PM CDT
   

it's all good.....
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    Rei  37, Female, Philippines - 15 entries
11
Apr 2007
5:38 AM WST
   

depressing 3/19/07 06:44 pm Edit Entry Edit Tags Add to Memories Track This downright depressing. i'm not living my life the way i should have!!! i should not have stayed here in the philippines. i should have grabbed my dad's hand and went away with him. live in the u.k., fulfill my dreams. i shouldn't have stayed because there's nothing for me here. i only have about 40 years, 30 or 10 if i'm lucky, to live, and nothing makes any sense anymore. how's that. i'm in a state of perpetual moratorium. i jump from one thing to the next. i' crazy psychotic neurotic anxious badly-adjusted. no no no no i have to rewrite everything. first, i want to stop school. i want to savor my youth. ohgod mom's going to kill me if she found out i'm even remotely thinking of quitting school slash being an out-of-school youth. but i have to. if i don't i'm going insane. i just recently found out that my ex already got over me 'his soul mate'. oh yeah yeah i was the one who forgot him rather speedily (pun intended), but it feels weird. i don't give a damn, i'm just greedy. but so i want to travel. alright. i want to do this alone. i want to go atop a mountain and think about my life. no cracky quarter-life crisis. i just want to think. it's so noisy in this city. i used to love the lights and the smoke, but now they just drive me insane. i want the green grass, the clear sky, the sparkling stream. i want the deer and the birds and all the shebang. i want to go away, far far away, where nobody can find me. where hopefully, people who have known me will forget me, and i will forget them. i want to see the million stars. i want to count all the signs in the sky that i could identify. i want to sleep under the sheet of darkness. but how could i do that when i'm drowning under a pile of chemistry lab sheets, papers and papers of people more demented than i am? how could i live my life when I'M STUCK HERE!! ...i just have to breathe for awhile. i'm having a really bad panic attack. everything's going wrong. i'm on the brink of a psychotic breakdown. will i make it through, or will it happen again? i'm going a mile a minute here. i'm fucking crawling out of my skin. i have to leave. i have to do this. i can't allow myself to be like this... i can't be like this AGAIN... i used to love to read to write to watch my animes, now i don't feel anything when i do them. i have mounds of them in my closet, and i haven't finished a single series a single book a single story in a long long time. why, what is happening? am i still myself? or is she beckoning to me? telling me to... come... i'm sorry, so sorry i stayed because of love (again, from LJ, same day. I am THAT desperate...)
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